my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
