just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
