Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
As shirtless as possible
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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