i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
