Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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