Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He uses pillows to masturbate.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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