Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
