She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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