I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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