i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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