she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you would pick up someone in the library
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's always time for handjobs
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
