we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
