Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
