am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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