is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
