Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
