addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
