please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
