Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
