I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
