just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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