I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
