At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
