Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
