Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
