i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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