Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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