just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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