How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
