shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
