how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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