This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
