Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
