the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
