My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
