If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
