He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
