But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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