girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
