he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
