I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
