My liver just broke up with me...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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