why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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