You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
