now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
