the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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