dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have feelings that need drinking.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
