Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
