Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it hurts more in the daytime
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Will exercising make me less horny?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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