ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
